I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
