I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
