shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
