Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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