I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
