you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
