i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
