im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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