living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
