Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Couch. On fire.
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