I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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