Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
