I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
