is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
