I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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