I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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