I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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