I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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