so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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