Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
