she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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