D3 body, D1 cock
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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