FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
