You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
