Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
