I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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