I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
