So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
