Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
