you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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