he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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