I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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