forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
