Jerry, you need to find god
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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