your parents love me but you hate me
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
