ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Success! We fucked roommates!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
