I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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