3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
