She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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