I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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