Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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