woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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