Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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