I hate your face
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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