chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have so many feelings about this burrito
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
