There is no way he is gay with that hair.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
