Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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