I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
