i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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