I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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