I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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